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    We start inside Twilight's library. Twilight lights some candles, and Cosmic is standing nearby. "Today is time to do some re-shelving!" Twilight said. "Wait, did the episode start already?" Cosmic asked. "Yeah, we're on the episode where Spike's greed overtakes him and he turns into a big greedy dragon." Twilight said. "Ah. Y'know, it's kinda odd that everyone is completely aware of what will happen in future episodes, which is also likely to result in many differences between the original episodes and these retellings, even without considering myself." Cosmic said. "Yeah. I mean, since we know what will happen we can easily prevent it from happening here." Twilight said. During their conversation, they arrange the books in the order Twilight has in her mind, since Cosmic has telepathy. "Yeah. That would make the episode shorter though, but since my presence here basically negates most conflicts, we'll have to find a way to prolong the story." Cosmic said, putting away the last book in the library. "Hey, guys, check this out!" Spike said, coming from upstairs. He's holding a fire ruby. "Let me see that." Cosmic said. Spike gives the ruby to him, and Cosmic inspects it. "Hmm, pristine condition, perfectly shaped surface, without any defects, a polished reflection-" Cosmic analyzed. He rotated it a bit. "-and it's nicely transparent. This right here is a perfect gemstone. It must have taken some time and effort to make it so." he finished, before handing it back to Spike. "It did. I had this planned in advance as my birthday dinner for this weekend. Though I thought about it and decided that I should give it to Rarity, because, as both are difficult to come by, both truly belong together... I'm not sure how good that sappy line the writer thought up actually is, but it sounds bad." Spike said. "Eh, it probably is. It's good to admit that, though, as self-deprecation through character portrayal shows that a writer/creator knows how to make fun of and laugh at themselves and recognize that some things they make don't come out as well as others." Cosmic said. "Yeah. Well, I guess we should go on into the episode." Spike said. "Let's go!" Cosmic exclaimed.

    *Mentally Advances Series Opening 2.1; Lyrics:
    *MASThemeVoice: "I am the greatest, I am the greatest, (ah, ah, ah, ah) arrogant ponies."
    *MASTwilight: "I used to live in content misery-"
    *MASThemeVoice: "Arrogant ponies."
    *MASTwilight: "-til' you jerks started jerking with me."
    *MASRainbowDash: "I like race cars!"
    *MASPinkiePie: "I'm naked!"
    *MASRarity: "Who's your friend?"
    *MASApplejack: "Faithful and strong."
    *MASFluttershy: "... Wait, I'm not ready-!"
    *MASTwilight: "My life's full of repeat defeats."
    *MASThemeVoice: "Arrogant ponies. I hope you all chooooooooke."
    *MASFluttershy: "I really wanted to sing that-!"
    *MASTwilight: "Shut up!"
    <All rights to the characters used here belong to FiMFlamFilosophy and Hasbro. I claim no ownership of what was used in this version of the opening.>

    Just then, Rarity comes through the door. "Hi Twilight! I came here to see if you had any books on historical fashio- is that a fire ruby!" Rarity exclaimed. "Yeah. I had plans to eat it as my birthday dinner, but decided that I would rather give it to you, Rarity." Spike said. He lifts up Rarity's hoof and places the gem in it. "You deserve to have this." he said. "Aww, Spikey-wikey. How thoughtful of you. [hugs and kisses Spike] Thank you so much!" Rarity said, having also gotten her book and leaving. "Wow, Spike, that was so kind and generous of you. I never saw Rarity that happy before." Twilight said. "Now to preserve this kiss!" Spike said. "Huh?!" Twilight uttered confusedly. Right then, Spike pulled out a small sheet of... something, and slapped it onto his cheek. When he removed it, the lipstick transferred over to the sheet. "There! Now to frame it." Spike said, before pulling out a small picture frame and putting the sheet in it. "What the- Spike, have you been taking cues from Cosmic?" Twilight asked. "C'mon, Twilight. Everypony has been following Cosmic's example of pulling something you want and/or need out of absolutely nowhere." Spike said. "Speaking of Cosmic, where did he go?" he asked. "What do you mean, he's right the-" Twilight started, pointing to the bottom of the steps before realizing Cosmic is no longer there. "Why is it that he does these kinds of things without warning anypony!?" Twilight exclamatorially questioned out loud.

    We then go to the time of Spike's birthday. Twilight sets up the punch table, then makes sure the ladle-bowl alignment is just right. The rest of the Mane 6 arrive soon after, with Pinkie Pie coming downstairs from the bedroom. All the Mane 6 except Twilight then give Spike their gifts to him. "Those are for me?" Spike asked. "You bet, birthday boy." Applejack said. "Happy birthday, Spike." Fluttershy said. They stack them on top of each other, causing Spike to fall and drop them. He looks confused at the presents he got. "Don't you know you get presents on your birthday?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Well, actually, this is my first birthday in Ponyville... I mostly get one gift... from Twilight. A book." Spike said. Twilight is coming downstairs with this year's book when she hears this, and so hides it behind her, bleating like a sheep, somehow. "Speaking of presents, [brings out a cape] this here comes from my new line of taffeta capes. I'm making one for each of you!" Rarity said. The others make various compliments about it. "The kindness and generosity displayed by Spike giving me this beautiful fire ruby inspired me to do so for each and every one of you." Rarity said. She then rubs her cheek against Spike's affectionately.

    Spike is opening up his presents, and thanking everypony multiple times for the gifts. "Wow! I wish this party could last forever." Spike said. Pinkie Pie, who is jumping on a balloon, causes it to pop. "Duh!-The-party-can't-last-forever-'cause-you-have-to-go-to-Sugarcube-Corner,-'cause-the-Cakes-said-they-have-a-special-surprise-for-you,-'cause-it's-your-birthday!" Pinkie Pie said. "No way!" Spike said, before rushing out the door. "I-said-the-party-couldn't-last-forever,-but-it-doesn't-need-to-end-right-now!" Pinkie said. Spike then arrives at Sugarcube Corner. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" Spike said. "There's our special dragon! Happy birthday, Spike!" Mr. Cake said. "Thanks!" Spike exclaimed. "After learning it's your birthday, we decided to try out a new recipe: sapphire!" Mrs. Cake said. "Wow!" Spike exclaimed. He then walks off, expressing liking towards this joyous occasion, and crashes into Cheerilee. "By the will of Cosmic! I'm so sorry, Cheerilee!" Spike said. "Oh, that's alright. Why are you so excited?" Cheerilee asked. Spike looks for a place to put down his cupcake. He doesn't see one, so he just eats it. "[muffled] Today's my birthday, and Pinkie told me to go to the Cakes, so they could give me a cake." Spike said, helping Cheerilee pick up her things.. "Well, happy birthday, Spike! I remembered that today was your birthday, so I got you a present." Cheerilee said. She then proceeds to pull out of absolutely nowhere a trenchcoat and fedora sized to fit Spike. "Wow! Thanks Cheerilee! This was really nice of you." Spike said, before hugging Cheerilee. "Don't worry about it. Have a nice birthday, Spike!" Cheerilee said before continuing with her day. "This is really nice. Though I'm gonna avoid trying to get others' stuff through the birthday excuse. This dragon greed of mine doesn't really need any instigation. Though, I wonder what the conflict will be if it isn't me turning into a rampaging, kleptomaniac, kaiju-esque monstrosity." Spike said to himself. He then walks back to the library.

    The next day, Twilight and Spike wake up to find everything normal. "Well. How are we supposed to have an interesting story with no conflict?" Twilight asked. Just then, a loud roar could be heard, alongside some high-pitched screaming. Twilight and Spike, and apparently everpony else in Ponyville, go outside to find a black winged dragon floating above the town. He's holding in his claw, which turns out be Rarity. "Rarity, no!" Spike yelled. "Somepony, help! This dragon had the indecency to use my cape as a nose-rag!" Rarity yelled. The black dragon then flies off to a distant mountain. "Nooooooooooo!" Spike screamed. He falls to his claws and knees, and cries for a bit. "This can't be happening. Somepony needs to save her. But, how do we fight a full grown dragon?" Twilight asked out loud. Spike then gets back up. "Nopony takes away my friends... my family," he said, growing a bit, "[voice deepens a bit] and those who would try," he continued, growing even further, "[voice deepens even more] will have to answer to me!" Spike finished, growing to a massive size and gaining wings, and then bellows a roar similar to that of Godzilla's. He then quickly flies off to save Rarity from the dark dragon. Everypony in Ponyville just stares in awe with their jaws open at what just happened. Twilight then breaks the silence. "Where the heck is Cosmic right now? Shouldn't he be here, solving this conflict with a snap of his fingers?" she asked. Well, you see, he knew that a conflict was necessary, and was aware that, since Spike likely would render the original conflict null due to knowing about the conflict and being able to avoid it. So, as Cosmic knew a conflict would eventually arise on it's own after some time, to make sure it would happen, he decided to make a visit the underwater land of Aquastria to see how things were going there. And no, the writer did not just make that place up. It was something already established by official MLP sources as part of the world Equestria is located on. Hence why we haven't seen Cosmic since before the theme played. Anyway, on with the story.

    We then go to Winged-Giant!Spike flying to the location of the dark dragon. He flies over a barren spiky stone field, and reaches the location of the black dragon. "[very deep] Give her back to me, whoever you are." Spike said. "My name is Anidra. If you want her back, you'll have to fight fight me for her." the black dragon said, revealing by its voice that it was a female dragon. "[very deep] If that's how it must go, then so be it." Spike said. He then takes the first move, slashing across the Anidra's chest, who winces in pain. She counters by knocking him away with her tail, sending Spike flying across the field. "[gasp] Spike!" Rarity yelled from her rocky cage. Spike then gets up, and rams into Anidra, knocking her away a few feet (to scale). Anidra then breathes flames on Spike, though Spike resists these magical flames, the only kind of heat that can affect a dragon, and kicks Anidra hard in the gut, resulting her spitting out a bit of blood and some teeth. Then, as a counter, Anidra uppercuts Spike's jaw hard enough crack a number of his teeth and spit out some blood as well. Spike responds by grabbing onto Anidra's arms, lifting her up into the air, and slamming her back-first onto the ground. Spike takes the victory for this fight. He then frees Rarity from her cage, by simply lifting the little stone cage up from around Rarity. "[very deep] It's good that your safe now." Spike said. "Thank you for saving me, Spike! You're my hero!" Rarity said. She then climb into Spike's claw. Spike looks at Anidra, who is getting back up. "I'm amazed how good of a fight you put up against me, even beating me." Anidra said. "[very deep] How so?" Spike asked. "Well, you see, I am the dragon brood-mother, the originator of dragonkind and the most powerful dragon ever. I waited to see what member of my kin would eventually come to be superior to me, most of them barely putting up a decent fight. But today, I have finally found my better, and I dub yourself the Lord of Dragons. Even if you're still a youngling, you have proven deserving of this title, unlike most before who tried. Your power and determination are admirable, and may you live long and prosper." Anidra said, before flying off to someplace else. Spike then brings Rarity back to Ponyville.

    Spike arrives back in Ponville with Rarity. He sets her down, and then his body reverts back to his younger state, all damage being reversed and repaired. "Oh, Spike! I never doubted you would rescue me. Considering there are later episodes involving me, it was a foregone conclusion, but that's besides the point." Rarity said. "Yeah, I'd never give up on my friends. No matter how hard something is, I'll always be there to back them up." Spike said. Later, while Spike writes a letter to Princess Celestia, Rarity shows her outfit designs to her friends, who all love them. I think that this is a good place to end this, so see you next time.
"Secret of My Excess" Retelling
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Submitted on
January 4, 2015